I am so frustrated with myself. I can't seem to slow down. Our lives are ridiculously busy. I almost took a picture of my calendar to show you just how busy we are. (Imagine a calendar with no blank space and 'booking' play-dates a week out.) I know that I do this to myself. I finally have a free moment and instead of sitting down to relax I find something to busy myself with. I so badly want to be the Mom who sews clothes, makes baby food, stays at home at least 3 days a week, etc. But I also want to be the minister who visits the shut-ins and stays in contact with her church family on a personal level (ie. calling people to pray, ladies bible study)... but I want to be the friend who has time to get together... but I want to be a successful photographer with lots of clients... but I want to be the wife who has time to sit down with her husband or go on dates... but I want to have friends and family visit... but I want to etc. Do you see the problem? Between all the things I want to do and our 24 hour/day schedule there just isn't enough time. So what gives?
This is my struggle and I feel so torn. The worst of all is I know Lewis would be a much more regular (on schedule) baby if Tim and I were too. For example, every time we get on a schedule we end up leaving town and it throws him off again. Last night was HORRIBLE! I don't even remember how many times he woke up crying crying crying. (I know partly due to his new tooth.) Although, I couldn't help but think, "Lewis' I know this is my fault you haven't developed healthier habits.' Just until 2 weeks ago he was eating every 2 hours. Due to the fact I didn't have time to realize he was using me as a pacifier. Once a kind friend pointed this out to me I was able to stop it, but had she not it would still be going on.
So what now? What do I cut out? What do I put more time into? First, I am a follower of Jesus Christ. Second, I am a wife. Third, I am a Mom. Fourth, I am a friend. Fifth, I am a minister's wife and minister myself. (Which often gets confused with the first.) Sixth, I am a business owner.
I do want to sew clothes, but I know that's not necessary, nor is making baby food. I do want to blog, but that's not necessary either. I do need to do the laundry and that is necessary! ha ha... This is my personal goal.... to better organize my life and my priorities. Let's all hope and pray.
I'm sorry if I rambled a bit... I was thinking as I wrote.
1 comment:
Oh Sarah! Do I ever feel your pain!!! I think I could have posted almost word for word what you wrote... You are right to pray about it. God is the only one who can put us back together again. Really, I sympathize. It was so good to see you last night--even if it was brief!
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